16th March Tic followed by toc
Last week Sarah’s business had a visit from Simon Weston from the Falklands and he kindly signed his book for me, dedicated ‘to everyone who’s helped to make it possible for me to be who I am.’
And though I’ve never appreciated it so much before, all the kind words and memories I’ve received in recent weeks do show me just how much we are moulded and rewarded in life by our family and friends and it’s good to have decluttered the brain enough and to have opportunity to see just that.
Interestingly Simon also reflects what Philip Carr Gomm believes when it comes to fears
‘I believe that in life you’ve got to approach and conquer every fear so the more frightened I am, the more important it is that I knock each fear on the head.’
Perhaps that’s what A A Gill was doing when he called his cancer ‘ the full English’. By coincidence my favourite t shirt also depicts the full English breakfast.
In quiet moments, funny memories, phrases or sounds, flash into my mind. Today it’s The Guiness Sea horse advert with the surfers, horses, thudding drum beat and the deep voice saying
‘He waits, that’s what he does. Tic followed toc followed tic followed toc. Here’s to waiting.’
16th March is the third day of Mark’s 2nd chemo treatment and he says he feels trapped. And so do I. We can’t leave and go away. We can’t dream of holidays for summertime, or plan European city breaks. We can’t imagine where our next house will be, or book theatre or art gallery visits.
It feels like the lull before the storm. Like sitting on the upper deck of the Titanic and knowing the iceberg is approaching.
Knowing that we are not going to get in the lifeboats or dive into the freezing Atlantic.
I hope for once we’ve booked first class and are not locked in steerage with Leonardo DiCaprio. Mark starts with his favourite Manhattan cocktail – he’s told the barman how to mix it perfectly despite the tilt in the ship – or is it boat. And I’ve got a glass of the Titanic’s finest Moet champagne. The staff have run off and left us a dinner tray covered with a silver dome in the empty restaurant – Filet mignon for Mark and Lobster thermidor for me. Just sitting there while the band plays Nearer My God to Thee as we wait.
Philip Carr Gomm on his last visit has said to focus on things that are bothering us to discover how they can diminish.
Today my word is ‘powerless’ as it’s the weekend, when the medical world is shut, no-one is working – so don’t get ill.
There’s no point being frustrated by it, just accept and enjoy the day.
Thankyou for the jokes, which I’ll put on the blog. I’m still puzzled how the Eastbourne Hospital oncology department has a zero record for people that don’t turn up for treatment – do they all survive each month?
My obscure thought for the day is ‘What would you do if you had one hour left to live?.’
Here are some results –
Sarah would listen to Mozart for Meditation and feast on her husband Simon’s chicken dinner with garlic, lemon and thyme.
Simon, Sarah’s husband, would play Rachmaninoff Vespers Songs for Cherubin and look at the sky.
Sue, my wonderful masseuse would go and sit by the sea and wait – whatever the weather.
Mark wants to listen to Elvis singing His hand in mine, with our patio doors open and eat smoked salmon and sashimi with a glass of Rioja white wine.
I want a helicopter to fly me to the derelict dockland area in Dieppe to Comptoir a Huitre where the chef has a plate of solette meuniere ready with some chilled white Gascony wine.
Betsy would phone and email all her family and tell them she loves them.
My friend Sue would go and look at the sea and walk about and do very little,
My sister Isobel would want family around and ‘To be in a light filled room with lovely fragrant oils . Rose, geranium, lavender, frankincense and listen to favourite music , ‘Let it be ‘ and ‘Bridge over troubled water’ then hear a beautiful poem ‘The owl and the pussy cat ‘
Giles, her husband, would listen to Starman.
Hermione, Isobel and Gile’s daughter would like to dance to ‘I follow rivers’ and eat cake and be in the sun.
More responses came in
Laurence Abalone, Scallops in Ginger and Moule Marinere washed down with Puligny Montrachet, whilst watching my daughter showjumping with the Bespermark mountains or the Med in the background here in Cyprus, depending where you gaze….
Des – The last hour? Some music to play:-